2012 was not the easiest of years for me. I didn't go through anything particularly difficult, but it took a lot of emotional setbacks to finally get me to a point where I am happy and content. As I look back, my theme for 2012 is "The Year of New." Here's why:
- New State/City: I moved out to Colorado at the end of 2011 but I consider my new-ness to be encompassed in the year 2012. I lived in Westminster for the first few months of the year. Nothing too significant happened during that time. I snowboarded a LOT... which was also something new I had never done before.
- New job #1: The first month or so that I lived in CO I spent looking for jobs. I didn't really care what my job was as long as it was somewhere within the administrative or accounting world. I started working temporarily at a plastic manufacturing company in Boulder. After a month or so, I was offered a job and took it. It felt nice to be able to be secure in a job, even if it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do.
- New City #2: About a month after securing my job in Boulder, I moved there. I spent a total of 2.5 months living in Boulder and as beautiful as the city is, I had a hard time living there. I had about 4 friends in CO at the time--none of which lived in Boulder. I had a lot of alone time and spent about half of my time in Boulder unpacking then repacking.
- New City #3: During the month of May, I knew I needed to look for a new place to live because I needed to be out of my apartment in June. That first weekend in May, I determined to spend the entire time in Denver. I had a friend that lived downtown and figured that I would stay with her. That Friday night, I wasn't able to meet up with her but met up with another friend and went out together for the night. We met a group of people at the Giggling Grizzly, our first stop, and ended up hanging out with them for the rest of the night. It was such a fun time but we ended up going to bed at 4 or 5 in the morning and had to be up at 8 to move our car. After grabbing breakfast, I went on a search for a park that I could take a nap at. That's when I recalled this park called Wash Park. I went there and slept for a couple hours and when I woke up I realized that Denver was the place I needed to live. I spent the rest of that day and weekend looking at places to live and making new friends. The people in Denver were so much more outgoing and welcoming than they were in Boulder and I still feel that way. I moved to Denver at the beginning of June and have absolutely loved it ever since.
- New Job #2: Right at the end of May and just before I moved to Denver, I was offered a job at the University of Colorado Boulder, which is where I am still working. I had applied to the University back in December/January and didn't get offered this job until May. When I was asked to do my phone and in-person interviews, I wasn't really looking for another job, but I participated in the interviews because I didn't want to lose the opportunity. I remember my in-person interview, meeting with my (now) supervisor and knowing that I would thrive really well in the environment and with the people. I was slightly shocked when I was offered the job because it felt unreal. I knew what I wanted, but I had a hard time making the decision to quit my old job. I quit at the end of May and started this job in June. I have absolutely loved it.
- New Phone: The day I started my new job, I went to the mall after work just to browse and wandered over to the Verizon kiosk. I knew I was due for an upgrade in August so I decided to look at phones to get an idea of what I would want later. Come to find out, I was already eligible for my upgrade and ended up getting a new phone on the spot. I love everything about it except the fact that I'm forced to text on the touchscreen. Since then I have texted people significantly less!
- New Friends: According to Facebook, I became friends with 241 people this year.. the majority of which I have became friends with since I moved to Denver in June. Denver is such a social city and it reminds me of college where people have so many connections with each other and the vast majority of people have moved here from other places (most common is the midwest). I feel very grateful for all the friends I have made and the super fun times I have had with them!
- New Phone #2: In August I went on a camping trip and lost my phone--first time I've ever lost one. Luckily I got insurance on it but I didn't get a replacement for a week. Living without a phone was difficult but I survived.
- New Car: My poor 2001 Civic was starting to get old. I was ready for a new car and spent the month of September looking for a new one. I had to be precise with my timing because the money I received from my old car was being used to pay it off and I couldn't get approved for a lower interest rate on a new car without that. I sold my car at the end of September and was carless for 2 weeks. It actually wasn't too bad and I used my public transit resources to get around. Finally, October 9th I came home with a 2012 Honda Civic and I've been happy with it!
- New Experiences:
- Concerts: LMFAO, Foster the People, Gotye, M83, The Wombats, Passion Pit, Skrillex
- First time skydiving in June
- Denver Cruisers
- Solo Seattle vacation
- New religion: I suppose not really a new religion, but after 2 years of contemplating my religious thoughts, I decided to come to terms and let go of the only religion I had grown up with. I did this in April and it was one of the most relieving things I've done. I felt so free to not be torn between the way I was living and the way I lived in my past. I still struggle with decisions because I have so much influence from my past. I struggle with questions that I no longer have answers to because I've only heard the one way. I still struggle with the idea of my future and family and how to teach my family morals without the same way I grew up learning them. I struggle with my innocence and inexperience because I feel I grew up sheltered and haven't been exposed to what others are very used to. I struggle still with how I want to portray myself as a person, because before everything was very black and white regarding right and wrong. I still struggle confronting and talking with my family and friends with my lifestyle. I feel like I'm still a good person but there's this stigma that comes along with those who have "fallen away" from the gospel and they won't find true happiness because they don't have the whole truth. I don't agree with this and feel that no matter what anyone believes, they will always have difficulties and hope and joy and sorrow. I know I'm a good person and try not to hurt other people. I may do things that I grew up being taught were 'sins,' but I no longer feel the same way regarding those and don't feel like I'm sinning or I'm a bad person. I still struggle with the place God has in our lives or my 'relationship' with Him. I will continue having these struggles but that's part of the stage of life I'm in, and I'll eventually figure it out!
- New singleness: Back in the summer when I was thinking about all the new things I had so far this year, I was hoping that this point would be "New Boyfriend." I became single in March-ish and before that, I feel like I hadn't been single since 2008. While living in Texas, I was technically single for a long time, but I wasn't emotionally single except for about 2 months in the summer/fall of 2011. After being in relationships, I had forgotten how to have fun without that one person. I spent a lot of this year being disappointed in my lack of options for another relationship and finally a couple months ago was able to let go and find myself again. The problem wasn't necessarily my lack of options, it was me not allowing there to be options. I had some not-so-fun conversations with my emotional self and some other outside instances that hit me really hard, but I feel like these things had to happen in order for me to get where I am now, and I can truly say that I am content and ready to tackle the world, whether it's with or without someone else.
- New hair color: About 4 minutes into my last hair appointment in November, I decided to try out being a brunette. I was looking to have a solid color for my hair and being solid blonde wouldn't have looked good, so I tried brown instead. It took me a few days to get used to it, but not that I'm comfortable with it, I like the brown a lot!
So there you have it! My theme for 2013 will either be "The Year of Different" or "The Year of Solidity." In this process to figure out who I am, what I want to do, how I want to live, and who I want to be in the future, I need to get out of my comfort zone and do things I haven't done before and get started on the goals I've been putting off for a long time. I also feel like it's a time for me to take some of the things I enjoy doing and make better habits out of them--work towards something great instead of mediocre. I hope to accomplish a lot this year and do the things I want to do. I have no attachments and can do pretty much whatever I want. I need the courage to do the things I'm scared to dive into, but in doing so, I know I'll come out a better person!
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